


remember when you taught me fate? (said it'd all be worth the wait)

by jaem4joy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends With Benefits To Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, No explicit scenes, Pining, Smoking, but honestly we're all whipped for jaemin, but there is a little hint of marknoren at the end i guess, chenle and jisung are just there for the ride, donghyuck is whipped for jaemin, honestly jaemin is just kinda slow, jaemin is the sweetest boy, markno are boyfriends, not mutual pining sadly, pining is all on donghyuck's part, protect nahyuck pls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:06:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23068207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaem4joy/pseuds/jaem4joy
Summary: in which donghyuck makes dumb choices, and jaemin is just slow on the uptake
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Mark Lee
Comments: 1
Kudos: 52





	remember when you taught me fate? (said it'd all be worth the wait)

**Author's Note:**

> hi! i love nahyuck so much, so this is my minor contribution to the nahyuck community ^~^
> 
> inspired by troye sivan's strawberries and cigarettes
> 
> dedicated to georgie and mir for their constant encouragement, even when i felt insecure about my writing. i'm so grateful for you both, thank you and i love you both so much <3
> 
> ps half of this is unbeta-ed so i guess we gon die like men today, enjoy~

to anyone who doesn’t know donghyuck and jaemin personally, the both of them may seem like a couple, which is actually a fair assumption since even their own friends think that they act as if they’re dating, but if anyone says that to either of their faces, they’d run straight for the hills.

it’s not that the both of them don’t have feelings for each other, or that they have commitment issues or anything like that, but maybe, just maybe, it’s the fact that their relationship is complicated and they’re both too afraid to acknowledge that they have feelings for the other in the first place.

see, donghyuck and jaemin aren’t best friends that seem like they’re dating because they’re just too comfortable with each other like everyone else assumes is what their relationship is. in fact, both donghyuck and jaemin aren’t sure that they can even be considered friends at all. 

to the both of them, their relationship is strictly friends with benefits, except with more physical stuff and less friendship going on. they only have one rule - don’t catch feelings, which is why they kept their relationship strictly physical at first, but things got complicated when mark, donghyuck’s best friend, started dating jeno, who is jaemin’s best friend, and both their friend groups merged into one big group of seven people as they started hanging out more often. 

they didn’t know when or how, but somewhere along the way, during all those hangouts, the lines in their strictly physical relationship blurred, and they found themselves forming a real friendship with each other. donghyuck became duckie, jaemin became nana, moans in bed became playful shrieks of joy during casual hangouts, sinful touches in private became innocent touches in public… well, you get the general idea.

sure, it may have been a tad awkward for the both of them when they found out that their friends were dating each other because they knew that they would be forced to hang out with each other in a social setting without being able to do anything physical. they soon gave up on pretending to be strangers though, because for donghyuck, being within such close proximity of jaemin without being able to physically touch him proved to be a torture worse than finals season, and he just couldn’t resist his urges, or rather, donghyuck just couldn’t get enough of jaemin. in other words, donghyuck was addicted to jaemin, and as hard as he tried to kick this addiction, he always found himself going back to jaemin for more.

within their group of friends, it was no secret to everyone that donghyuck and jaemin were fucking each other, but only mark knew the entire story of how they actually met, and of donghyuck’s feelings for him. mark, being the protective older brother figure in donghyuck’s life, had also wanted to beat jaemin up for leading donghyuck on, but donghyuck explained that they already made it clear before they even started anything that no feelings should be involved, so it was donghyuck’s own fault for falling for jaemin at first sight.

at the present moment, donghyuck has jaemin cuddled up in his arms, sound asleep along with the rest of their friends after they just completed a movie marathon at donghyuck’s and mark's dorm (a bonding session, mark said). donghyuck slowly ran his hand through jaemin's hair, planted a quick kiss right in the middle of his forehead, and wondered if jaemin would ever look at him the same way he does, with all the love and adoration in the world in his eyes. he also wondered if things would be different between them right now if they met each other through mark and jeno's introductions rather than how they really met that one night outside a party.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

donghuck still remembers the night he first met jaemin, the memory of it is etched so firmly on his mind that he doubts he would ever be able to forget it, and if he were to describe that night, he would say it was surreal, almost magical. that’s the effect that jaemin has on most people, but donghyuck would argue that it hit him the hardest. he would never admit this to jaemin, but he is 99% sure that he fell in love with him that night, with the other 1% being donghyuck's truly pathetic attempt at denying it to himself and to everyone else.

the night started off with mark dragging donghyuck to a college party because he needed a wingman and both chenle and jisung weren't old enough to party, but once they got to the party, mark had no trouble finding a cute guy to flirt with (that cute guy happened to be jeno). since mark was busy with jeno, donghyuck was left alone at a party he didn't even want to come to, so he chugged down a couple of tequila shots (they were free anyway) and went outside for a breath of fresh air. 

what, or rather who, he didn't expect to find outside was jaemin, leaning against his car, looking as pretty as ever dressed in a plain black tee and black ripped jeans, with his stupid fluffy pink hair (donghyuck thought it reminded him of strawberries or cotton candy, and he had to resist the urge to mess his hair up) and his ridiculously dazzling smile.

of course, donghyuck didn't know jaemin personally but he had heard the rumours; that jaemin was the school's heartthrob whose hobby seemed to be breaking hearts left and right, that he was cold and unfriendly, and that he never let anyone close enough for them to be considered friends, with the exception of the two friends he entered college with. based on these rumours, donghyuck thought he wouldn't be able to get along with jaemin well, so he made sure to avoid him in college at all costs.

it's not that he didn't like the guy, donghyuck was a naturally bubbly and happy person, well-liked by everyone he knew, but something about jaemin intimidated him. poor donghyuck was simply scared of jaemin, for reasons that couldn't seem to come to his mind as he stared at jaemin who was walking towards him, looking so... ethereal, as donghyuck would describe, yet so sinful with the pack of cigarettes he was holding in his hand.

 _"hey, do you have a lighter to spare? i lost mine and i really need a smoke right now."_ donghyuck barely managed to shake himself out of his thoughts as the words came out of jaemin's mouth sounding as sweet as honey.

 _"oh hey yeah, i do."_ donghyuck said as he reached into his back pocket for his lighter and lit jaemin's cigarette for him before taking out his own pack of cigarettes and lit a stick for himself.  
he looked back up at jaemin after putting his lighter away and realised something: as dazzling as his smile was, it didn't quite reach his eyes. _"are you okay? why are you out here alone when you should be inside enjoying the party?"_

jaemin laughed at his question before taking a drag, and replied, _"nah, my best friends are both having fun inside, they don't need me. i saw one of them flirting with his long-time crush, and i'm truly happy for him, but it hurts because i've been in love with him for so long. that's why i came out here for a smoke, but i didn't have a lighter until you came along. so i really have to thank you for this."_

jaemin chuckled dryly at his own reply and spoke again. _"well, enough about me. how about you, why aren't you inside? and what's your name?"_ he paused to take another puff of his cigarette and blow out some smoke rings (the most perfect smoke rings donghyuck had ever seen, was there anything jaemin couldn't do?) before continuing. _"i'm sorry, i realise my name was the first thing i should've told you before launching into my whole sob story. i'm jaemin, by the way."_

 _"oh, i'm donghyuck! and to answer your question, i'm out here because i didn't even want to come to this stupid party anyway. my best friend dragged me here because he wanted me to be his wingman, but he ditched me the moment he found a cute guy."_ donghyuck finished smoking the last of his cigarette and stubbed it out, before saying, _"i suppose our reasons for being out here are pretty similar, except i'm not in love with my best friend. i'm really sorry about that, i know that must suck for you."_

_"don't worry, it's all good. i know i probably don't seem like it but i'm a big believer in fate, and fate works in mysterious ways. jeno and i were clearly only meant to be best friends and nothing more, so i'll make peace with that, while believing that there'll be someone out there who'll love me for me, instead of just superficial things like my looks or my money."_

saying that donghyuck was more than a little confused at what jaemin had just revealed was an understatement. _"you don't seem like the type of person to believe in fate. no offense really, i didn't know you personally until now but based on what i've heard, you could get anyone you wanted. and honestly, now that i've seen you up close, you're like... really hot."_ donghyuck could feel his cheeks heat up while saying that out loud, and he swore that he saw jaemin blush a little too. _"i mean, the entire school is basically in love with you. why would you choose to believe in fate and wait for the universe to bring you someone when you have a whole line of people to choose from?"_

_"i know that there are people who are interested in me, but that's because to them, i'm a mystery, something unattainable, and they think that they could be the one to crack me. but i'm not looking for someone who treats me like their science project, i want someone who really sees me for me, you know? i'm not na jaemin, ice prince and token bad boy on campus. i'm just plain old na jaemin, a hopeless romantic, and despite my ice-cold demeanour, i'm just a big softie who's afraid to let anyone in because i'm scared of getting hurt. and i believe that the special someone that fate will bring into my life is worth all the waiting."_

donghyuck's body moved faster than his mind after listening so attentively to jaemin's every word, and he found himself giving jaemin a tight hug. to his surprise, jaemin didn't push him away but instead, he returned the hug.

they stood there hugging each other for what seemed like eternity, but in reality it was probably more like ten seconds, before donghyuck regained his senses, broke the hug and said, _"i know we've only just met each other for like, i don't know, fifteen minutes? we barely know each other but you've opened up to me and i'm so grateful for that, and now i feel a sense of protectiveness over you. like i just want to guard your heart and make sure no one ever hurts you, yknow? you may not treat me as a friend, and you don't need to, but just know that i'll be here if you ever need anything from me, a listening ear or whatever."_

jaemin smiled widely at donghyuck's words, this time with a genuine smile that reached his eyes and made them sparkle under the moonlight. he then grabbed donghyuck's hands and pulled him towards his car, proclaiming that they should go an adventure together if they weren't going to go back to the party inside. jaemin unlocked his car doors, got into the driver's seat then gestured for donghyuck to climb into the passenger seat next to him when he noticed that donghyuck looked hesitant to follow him. _"come on, i promise it'll be fun! or is it because you don't trust me?"_

donghyuck watched as jaemin's smile turned into a small pout and oh dear god, he knew that there was no way anyone could ever refuse anything jaemin wanted because the pout was like his secret weapon; he just looked so unbelievably soft and vulnerable, and it was like nothing else in the world mattered. he decided that mark didn't really need him back at the party so he hurriedly got into the car with jaemin. _"there, i got into the car so this means that i'm trusting you with my life tonight."_ he paused to buckle up his seatbelt (he trusted jaemin with his life, but he didn't know if his driving skills could be trusted). _"where are we even going for this little adventure of yours?"_

jaemin giggled as if he had just told the funniest joke in the world, and even though donghyuck was confused as to what was so funny, he thought that jaemin's laugh was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard and that he wouldn't mind listening to it for the rest of his life. _"it wouldn't be much of an adventure if we knew where we were going, would it? i'll just drive until we find somewhere worth stopping at, it'll be a surprise for the both of us! after all, an adventure is supposed to be magical."_ as jaemin pulled away from the parking lot and drove off, he rambled on excitedly about how he'd been wanting to go on a late-night adventure like this for ages but both renjun and jeno were always reluctant to indulge in his ridiculous ideas and he never felt comfortable enough with anyone else, so meeting donghyuck was like a miracle to him.

honestly, the only words that registered in donghyuck's mind were comfortable and miracle. _"wait, you're comfortable enough to do this with me even though we just met tonight? and please, i'm really boring, definitely not a miracle of any sort."_ jaemin giggled again, still as melodious as ever, and explained that there was no time limit for feeling comfortable with people; he could talk to someone for days, weeks, even months, and still not feel comfortable with them, but he could also talk to someone for a day or even less yet feel like he'd known them for years.

 _"the vibes that people give off is what really matters to me, you know what i mean? if i don't get a good vibe from people then i won't ever be comfortable with them, but the vibes i get from you, you're really special, you know that?"_ jaemin suddenly stopped the car, and donghyuck realised, with one place at their surroundings, that they were at the beach.

the one place donghyuck hated more than school was the beach. no, he definitely did not have any traumatic childhood experiences at the beach or anything of the sort, he just really really hated the sand because the grains were so tiny and would always find its way into his shoes and clothes no matter what. _“there is no way in hell i’m stepping even one foot out of this car, i hate the sand with my entire being.”_

jaemin, being the rational one out of the both of them in this situation, came up with a compromise which was that they could just leave the doors open so they could still enjoy the cool breeze and admire the night sky, all from the comfort of his car. he unbuckled both of their seatbelts and climbed over from the driver’s seat to the backseat, stretching his hand out to donghyuck for him to do the same, explaining the the backseat was more spacious and would definitely be more comfortable for the both of them. donghyuck realised that jaemin had a very valid point, then grabbed his hand for support while climbing over, but it seemed like fate was not on donghyuck’s side that night because his leg got caught on the armrest, which caused him to trip and fall headfirst into jaemin’s entire body.

donghyuck was a hundred percent certain that his cheeks were as red as tomatoes and that his entire body was heating up due to the fact that he was, for lack of a more appropriate term, cuddled up in jaemin’s arms. he was sure that he had already ruined his first impression with jaemin, and that he really had nothing more to lose, so he buried his head further into jaemin’s neck to hide his embarrassment, at the same time being acutely aware of the fact that jaemin was still holding his hands and that he was now running his thumbs across his palms. jaemin’s laughter shook him out of his thoughts of wanting to disappear into thin air, and he tilted his head up to look at jaemin with confusion in his eyes.

 _“you’re really something else, donghyuck.”_ seeing as donghyuck looked even more confused, jaemin took the opportunity to elaborate on his statement. _“usually, when people get this close to me physically, it’s because they want to get in my pants. but tonight, everything i’ve done with you, it just feels easy and comfortable like i’ve known you for the same amount of time that i’ve known renjun and jeno, because i can feel your sincerity and i know that you have no ulterior motives for getting this close to me.”_

if donghyuck thought he wasn’t in love with jaemin before this, he definitely changed his mind now; he knew that he was completely in love with jaemin because this love was different than the love he felt for mark, chenle, jisung and all his other friends. this love was stronger, from the way his heart pounded so quickly in his chest to the way his ears rang with the sound of jaemin’s voice, and maybe it was the effect of the tequila shots he drank earlier that started to kick in, or maybe it was the cigarette he smoked earlier that made him dizzy, or maybe it was the way the moonlight shone into the car that made jaemin look so angelic, but as he stared right into jaemin’s eyes, he suddenly found the urge to kiss jaemin too difficult to resist. and so, donghyuck made the dumbest mistake he ever did and that he would come to regret afterwards: he sat upright in jaemin’s lap, held his face in both hands while turning it so they were facing each other, and then he kissed him.

the moment donghyuck’s lips touched jaemin’s, he noted that jaemin’s lips tasted oddly sweet, like actual strawberries, and that sweetness masked the taste of the cigarette he smoked earlier. this kiss was definitely the best kiss that donghyuck ever had in his entire life (not that he even had as many as jaemin probably did); it wasn’t sloppy, or wet with saliva, or disgusting. instead, it was soft and slow, the way their lips fit perfectly together and moved in sync was almost romantic even. donghyuck could feel fireworks threatening to burst out from his chest, and when the feeling became too overwhelming for him to handle, he broke the kiss to catch his breath, with his entire face flushed bright red with embarrassment.

 _“i’m so sorry, i really didn’t mean for that to happen, i swear on my life. oh god, and after you said I had no ulterior motives too. i promise that was true, it still is, i just don’t know what came over me. oh god you must hate me. i mean, i'd totally understand if you do and if you never want to see me again-“_ donghyuck’s incessant rambling was interrupted by jaemin taking donghyuck’s hands into his own and giving them a soft squeeze, an indication for him to stop talking and just listen.

 _“donghyuck, breathe. you’re okay, i promise. if i had to be honest, that was the best kiss i’ve ever had with anyone, and that’s with jeno included so that means it was really really good. i know you meant no harm by it, and that’s all that matters, isn’t it?”_ donghyuck chose to keep his mouth shut, in fear of rambling again or even saying something wrong, so instead he decided a nod would be the safest way to agree with jaemin, who took it as a sign to continue talking. _“i really enjoyed the kiss, and i hope it was as good for you as it was for me. i mean, it sure took my mind off the fact that jeno is probably fucking the brains out of that cute guy he met at the party at this very moment, because all my mind could think about was you. it seems like ever since we’ve met, you’ve just been keeping my mind off jeno, so thank you for that. you really are a miracle, i really hope we stay friends even after tonight.”_

donghyuck’s brain barely finished processing jaemin’s words before he blurted out what was possibly the dumbest thing that ever came out of his mouth, _“we could be friends with benefits!”_ as he noticed jaemin’s questioning gaze on him, waiting for him to elaborate on his statement, he hurriedly rushed on, _“what i meant was, you said i kept your mind off jeno, right? i thought we could continue whatever this is, so you wouldn’t be too upset about jeno not um, loving you back. i mean, you can totally say no, it was just a suggestion because i want to help you with the whole jeno situation.”_

 _“all this would be strictly physical…?”_ jaemin still looked skeptical of the suggestion even as donghyuck nodded in response to his question, and he noticed that donghyuck looked a little uncomfortable, like he was ready to run away at any given moment, so jaemin elaborated on his hesitation. _“it’s not that i don’t want to do anything with you or that i think you have any ulterior motives, please don’t get me wrong. i just don’t understand why you would do this just to help me. i mean, we just met and you really don’t seem like the type to have one night stands or anything non-committal. you’re a really good guy, donghyuck, definitely one of the best people i’ve met in my entire life. you deserve someone better than me, someone who would look at you like you’re the brightest star in the sky, someone who would be willing to commit to a forever with you, and right now, i can’t be that guy for you.”_

it was when such sweet and thoughtful words came out of jaemin’s mouth that donghyuck wondered how no one, not even jeno, had fallen in love with jaemin for more than his looks but for his personality as well, which was the way jaemin definitely deserved to be loved. to donghyuck, each time jaemin spoke tonight just made him see jaemin in a new light and he wished so badly to have the privilege of being loved by jaemin one day, but he knew that these words were the closest thing to romantic that he would ever get from jaemin.

he explained to jaemin that he was free to reject him if he wasn’t comfortable with the idea, but he truly just wanted to help get his mind off jeno, especially since they’re best friends and this would definitely not be the only time he’d see jeno with someone else. donghyuck added that it would be a bonus for him as well, since he would be too busy with his own studies to look for anything serious, so this would at least help him release his sexual frustrations.

and maybe, just maybe, this was probably the closest thing to a relationship that he’d ever have with jaemin, not that donghyuck would never say this out loud to jaemin, of course. he was trying to convince jaemin that this was a good idea, not scare him away forever.

after a brief moment of complete silence from the both of them, during which jaemin seemed to be deep in his own thoughts, he looked up at donghyuck and smiled. _“okay, we’ll do this.”_

donghyuck met jaemin’s gaze in surprise, as if he was expecting jaemin to turn his idea down. jaemin explained that since donghyuck made such a convincing case of how it would be beneficial for both of them, then there was really no other reason for him to reject the idea, with the ground rule that they would keep it strictly physical and that both of them were free to break it off whenever they wanted, because jaemin didn’t want to lead donghyuck on if he knew he wasn’t ready to commit to anything serious while he was still pining after jeno.

and this was how everything started between them - one party, two cigarettes, and a whole lot of making out (and other things) after jaemin finally drove them back to the dorms.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

looking back on how they started, donghyuck supposes that jeno was the catalyst for everything, but as he looks over at mark and jeno snuggled up under a blanket on one of mark’s couches and sees how peaceful and happy they both are, he can’t find it in himself to blame him for the mess donghyuck knows he created for himself.

donghyuck didn’t know what he was expecting when he suggested becoming friends with benefits with jaemin, but the one thing he definitely did not expect was to fall more in love with jaemin every single time they were together. maybe he expected the sex to be bad or just mediocre, but he supposes he shouldn’t have been surprised when the sex was mind-blowing and honestly fucking amazing. maybe he expected jaemin to treat him badly, like he was just a body to be used or a hole to be fucked, and that would make his feelings fade, but jaemin respected his boundaries, never did anything he was uncomfortable with, and after they were done, jaemin always held him like he was a fragile doll that would break at the slightest rough touch. 

during these moments as jaemin cuddled him to sleep, donghyuck allowed himself to indulge in the delusion that jaemin might actually love him back (or at least like him romantically), but every single morning, he woke up alone with jaemin long gone from his bed. donghyuck would still remember the taste of jaemin’s lips (exactly like the first time they kissed), the way jaemin’s lips felt so sinful yet so pleasurable against his skin, and even though there was no physical trace of jaemin left, his smell still lingered on the sheets.

donghyuck never asked jaemin how he felt about jeno, nor did jaemin ever bring his feelings for jeno up again, but there was a small part of donghyuck that was still curious about whether jaemin was still in love with jeno, whether he actually stood a chance in winning jaemin’s heart, or whether he even meant anything to jaemin in the first place.

he had hoped that things would change between them as time passed, hoped that jaemin would move on from jeno and fall for him instead, but it’s been three months since the night they first met, and things were still the same. it was as if both donghyuck and jaemin could feel the intangible presence of the elephant in the room, yet none of them were willing to make the first step to bring it up in fear that everything would go downhill, so they both left the elephant in the same place, as if it were a representation of the state of their current relationship.

donghyuck thinks back to when mark had wanted to beat jaemin up for leading him on, but on hindsight, donghyuck supposes that he was the one leading jaemin on since he had never once tried to break things off even after he had fully accepted his feelings for jaemin.

as he looks at jaemin’s sleeping self still clinging onto him the way a koala clings to a tree, looking so soft and vulnerable, he decides that he can’t let whatever this is go on any longer than it already has; he has to confess his feelings to jaemin soon and break things off between them because jaemin deserves to know everything, even if he is unable to reciprocate his feelings.

unknowingly, donghyuck lets out a loud sigh which causes jaemin to stir awake, looking up blearily at him, with a hint of visible concern in his eyes. _“what’s wrong, duckie? are you having trouble sleeping?”_

donghyuck smiles as he pats jaemin’s head gently, trying to coax him back to sleep, and replies, _“it’s nothing important, nana, go back to sleep alright? you’re tired, we can talk more when you wake up tomorrow.”_

jaemin frowns, clearly having noticed the underlying hint of sadness in donghyuck’s reply. he sits upright in donghyuck’s lap, seemingly wide awake and no longer tired like he was just a minute ago. _“duckie, how can i sleep knowing you’re obviously upset about something? you can tell me anything, you know that right?”_

he then proceeds to hold one of donghyuck’s hands in his own, giving it a slight squeeze as if to encourage him to open up, with his free hand stroking donghyuck’s hair to provide him with a sense of comfort. 

donghyuck hesitates for a moment, taking the time to gather his thoughts and form coherent words, before taking a deep breath to prepare himself for the fallout.

_“you’d better sit tight, it’s gonna be a long one. also, please hear me out before you speak, okay? i think we should stop doing whatever we’re doing right now, the whole friends with benefits thing. you see, i promised you that it would be purely physical before we even started, and that was the whole reason you agreed, but i lied. i’m so sorry. i guess there was a small part of me that always knew i fell in love with you that first night, but i refused to acknowledge it. i said i suggested it to help you get over jeno, and that part was true, but what i didn’t tell you was that it was also because i thought it was the closest thing to a proper relationship i could ever get with you. it was selfish of me, i admit, because i was only taking my own interests into account, but i honestly didn’t think I’d fall even deeper in love with you. in fact, i was kinda hoping you’d be bad at sex or something.”_

upon hearing those words, jaemin couldn’t help but interrupt donghyuck’s speech with his laughter, and donghyuck, being so utterly mesmerised by the sight of jaemin laughing in front of him, couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle too. once they both calmed themselves down, jaemin nodded his head, signalling for donghyuck to continue on with his speech.

_"you and i both know that you’re definitely not bad at sex. you’re so perfect. i don’t know why no one, not even yourself, can see that. you told me that first night that i deserved someone better than you, but you really couldn’t be more wrong. during these past few months, you’ve made me so incredibly happy, even when we’re not doing anything at all. you were the only person i’ve ever wanted this badly, and as i spent more time with you, i realised that you’re nothing like what people say. they say you’re a a man of few words, but you probably spoke more words to me that first night alone than to all the other people combined. those words were what I fell for in the first place, not your looks. although, like i’ve told you many times before, you look so fucking hot.”_

donghyuck paused to catch his breath since he had been rambling non-stop, and noticed that jaemin was more than a little bit shocked at his words, but upon hearing his compliment, his lips curved up into a small smirk, which he took as a sign to start speaking again. 

_"anyway, that’s not the point. the point of everything i’ve said until now is: this whole thing started as a lie on my part, and i can’t take that back now, so the only thing i can do now is to confess everything and end this. i love you, na jaemin. i have been in love with you since the night we met. i never meant to drag this on for so long, but now, three whole months later, i’m still in love with you, and i’ve just been falling deeper in love with you with every passing day. i don’t know if you’re over jeno yet, or if i ever meant anything more than a friend to you, but frankly, i don’t care about those. i don’t need you to forgive me, or give me a reply right now, or to even reciprocate my feelings at all. all i ask is for you to accept my sincerest apology, and to just let me continue loving you, even as this thing between us ends. i do hope we can still be just friends though, otherwise group gatherings like this would be real awkward in future.”_

after ending his admittedly long yet heartfelt confession speech, donghyuck finally dared to look up from the floor and right at jaemin's face, only to discover that jaemin had tears flowing out from the corners of his eyes, right down his cheeks.

donghyuck didn’t show it externally, but he was panicking big time on the inside. when he decided to confess like this, he thought of all the possible reactions that he would receive from jaemin; those included jaemin getting mad at him, rejecting him, possibly asking jeno and renjun to beat him up, or just straight up ignoring his existence, but never in a million years would donghyuck have thought that jaemin would shed tears at his confession.

 _“nana- sorry, jaemin. jaemin please don’t cry, i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to make you cry… why are you crying?”_ donghyuck tries his best to stay as calm as humanly possible, while wiping jaemin’s tears away gently, not wanting to hurt him more than he already did.

jaemin stops sniffling and starts wiping away his tears while saying, _“duckie, i swear i’m fine, don’t worry. you can stop wiping my tears now.”_

both of donghyuck's hands pause in mid-air, before he lets them fall to his sides. he sighs, resigning to his fate that he is no longer in a position where he’s entitled to skinship with jaemin, and would probably never be in such a position again.

jaemin holds donghyuck's hands again, making donghyuck look up at him in surprise, and as jaemin looks at the sadness in his eyes, he starts to speak.

_“duckie, i’m not mad at you, i could never be. okay, maybe a little bit, but only because you put yourself in a position where you were guaranteed to get hurt by me. hurting you was the last thing i ever wanted to do, and i still unknowingly did it anyway. i just need some time and space to gather my thoughts and process everything, can you give me that? i'll come to you when i’m ready to talk, but i still stand by my statement that you deserve someone better than me, so if you find someone else who can give you the happiness you deserve while i’m not around, please don’t feel obligated to wait for me. i promise you, i’ll always come back to you in the end, at least in the capacity of a friend."_

by the end of jaemin's speech, donghyuck was willing himself not to let the tears in his eyes fall because he refuses to break down in front of jaemin and make him feel bad about it. instead, he puts on a brave front and shoots jaemin a weak smile, hoping that jaemin doesn't notice that his lips are quivering. 

_"take all the time you need, jaemin. i won't force you to talk if you're still not ready. just- remember me, yeah?"_

_"you're hard to forget, duckie. please take care of yourself."_

with that being said, jaemin slowly places donghyuck's hands in his own lap, then bolts right out of mark's door, not bothering to look back even once. 

the loud slam of the door closing behind jaemin wakes everyone up, causing them to shoot confused glances at donghyuck. 

donghyuck explains that jaemin left because he was upset, although not fully elaborating on what had transpired between them, and practically begs both renjun and jeno to check up on him and make sure that he's okay. he notices renjun and jeno sharing a look with each other before saying goodbye to the rest of them and leaving to find jaemin, but he pushes it to the back of his mind, telling himself that it’s probably nothing.

mark gets up from the couch where he was lying down on, and walks over to donghyuck, giving him a big hug. donghyuck feels mark’s arms around himself, comforting him and telling him that everything will be okay, and then the dam breaks and tears start uncontrollably flowing down his cheeks.

he breaks down in front of everyone who’s left in the room, explaining everything to chenle and jisung who were left out of the loop before, and after he finishes telling his story, donghyuck finds himself in the middle of a huge group hug.

he thinks to himself, maybe it will all be okay in the end, maybe jaemin will come back to him in a few days and they’ll be friends again. he thinks that it’s okay if jaemin doesn’t love him back, all he can hope for now is to be friends with jaemin again. he thinks, as long as he has his friends supporting him, he can get through this.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

okay, so maybe donghyuck was wrong when he thought that everything would be okay, seeing how he barely left his dorm in the past two weeks unless he had classes. it’s been two long weeks that honestly felt like a whole year to him, two weeks since he had been in contact with jaemin, two weeks he spent wallowing in his own misery, pining over the one boy he claims is the love of his life. the last jaemin-related news he received was from renjun and jeno, on the same day they had their fallout, informing him that he was just in his dorm and that he shouldn’t worry about him too much.

well obviously, donghyuck didn’t listen to their advice at all, considering the fact that he spent his days wondering how jaemin was doing without him, whether jaemin was as miserable as he was, and if jaemin ever thought about him at all. he refused to leave his dorm for anything that wasn’t related to his education, claiming that jaemin could come over at any given moment, so all group hangouts were held at donghyuck and mark’s dorm, with donghyuck being physically present but barely participating in any conversations.

donghyuck now hates the colour pink, because it reminds him of jaemin’s bright pink hair. he thinks jaemin’s hair is ridiculous, but only because he doesn’t understand how jaemin still manages to look so fucking handsome even with such bright pink hair. donghyuck also hates strawberries, because it reminds him of jaemin’s lips, which somehow always tasted like strawberries. he chalks it all up to jaemin possibly using a strawberry lip balm, especially since his lips were always so chapped (donghyuck loves it anyway). donghyuck had even quit smoking, all because cigarettes were the reason he even got to know jaemin that first night. he avoids everything that reminds him of jaemin to the best of his abilities, but the one thing he does not have to avoid was jaemin himself, since jaemin had apparently not been seen on campus ever since their fallout.

everyone, including renjun and jeno, tried everything in their power to cheer donghyuck up, but all of their attempts failed miserably, and almost always ended up in donghyuck crying over jaemin. eventually, they just learnt to let donghyuck be, knowing that only jaemin could make everything better.

now, two weeks have passed, and donghyuck still hasn’t heard anything from jaemin, his misery only growing with every passing day. right now, as he's scrolling through the pictures he took of jaemin, donghyuck thinks that maybe he should finally take the advice that mark kept giving him throughout the past two weeks and stop hoping that jaemin would make an appearance in his life again, but he thinks back to the promise jaemin had made that day, that he would always come back to him, and he just can’t bring himself to give up hope.

jaemin always keeps his promises, always.

donghyuck was in the middle of reminiscing the good times he spent with jaemin when a knock on the door shook him out of his thoughts. he assumes that it’s mark at the door, since mark was always forgetting to bring his own keys out, and goes to open the door for him.

the person he finds standing in front of the door is, in fact, not mark, but jaemin, with his stupid fluffy pink hair which still hasn’t faded. donghyuck hesitates for a moment, still staring at jaemin, thinking that maybe he’s delusional and experiencing a hallucination right now because there’s absolutely no way jaemin is actually standing in front of him right now, but jaemin clears his throat and shoots a stupidly wide smile at donghyuck as if nothing ever happened between them.

_“duckie… are you gonna invite me in or are you just going to continue staring at me?”_

even in his absolutely miserable state he is currently in, donghyuck still manages to shoot a glare at jaemin. jaemin skips through the door and plants himself on one of the couches, waiting for donghyuck to join him after shutting the door.

_“… how have you been, duckie? have you been taking care of yourself?”_

donghyuck couldn’t stop himself from letting out a snort at jaemin’s questions, waving his hands all around himself as if telling jaemin to take a good look at him.

_“just look at me, jaemin. i look like complete shit! i’m glad to see you’ve been doing better than me at least.”_

at that, jaemin shakes his head and laughs, explaining that both renjun and jeno had practically forced him to make himself look decent enough to leave the dorm since he was coming over to see him. he sees donghyuck tilting his head to the side, as if he were resisting the urge to ask a question, so jaemin lets out an audible sigh before rushing to explain himself.

_“before i say anything else, i want you to know that i’m really sorry for hurting you these past weeks by not coming to you earlier. i honestly didn’t expect myself to let it drag on for so long either, until renjun informed me yesterday that it’s already been two weeks and we both look like shit. as if insulting my god-sent looks wasn’t enough, he practically tells me that it’s obvious to everyone else that we can’t function normally without each other so i’d better get my shit together. which brings us to right now.”_

jaemin pauses to take a deep breath, as if to gather up courage for what he is going to say next, but he manages to calm down as he feels donghyuck holding his hands, thumbs rubbing across his palms to soothe his nerves.

_“duckie, i’ve spent the past two weeks processing everything you’ve said, and i’ve experienced so many emotions, more emotions than i’ve ever felt before, and it scared me. at first, i was angry; angry at you for willingly letting yourself get hurt repeatedly just because of me, then even angrier at myself for hurting you. then, i was confused, because i’ve had so many hookups and flings who all knew that they were going to be rejected by me and yet they still went through with it, but i had never cared about their feelings, until you came along. yesterday, i finally had a talk with jeno, and confessed that everything between us started because i was in love with him first. he rejected me, of course, considering how he’s so in love with mark now, but surprisingly, i felt nothing at his rejection. i expected his rejection to hit me like a sucker punch to my stomach, or that i would be sad over it, but instead, it felt like a weight was lifted off my chest. he made me realise that i had actually gotten over him months ago, and that all this while, i was just clinging onto the idea of still loving him because as one of my best friends, he’s the safest option. maybe i was afraid to admit to myself that the person i really loved was you, because letting new people into my life, close enough to hurt me, has always scared me, but i realised that subconsciously, i’ve already let you in. that first night, i told you more about myself within the short span of just a few hours, when it took both renjun and jeno a whole month of persistent invitations to hang out for me to open up to them. as i thought back to that first night, i suddenly remembered what i said when i told you about fate, and that’s when the realisation hit me.”_

jaemin gazes softly into donghyuck’s eyes, and donghyuck suddenly feels his face heat up under jaemin’s gaze, his own heart beating dangerously fast.

_“duckie, you’re my person. i don’t know how i could have missed it, but you’re the person that the universe has brought into my life. you’re the only person, apart from renjun and jeno, who actually sees me for me and still accepts me regardless of all my flaws. i love you, lee donghyuck, and i have probably been loving you since a long time ago. i’m sorry that it took me so goddamn long to finally realise it. will you please forgive me?”_

after listening to jaemin’s confession, donghyuck had tears welling up in his eyes, but this time, he was not fighting to hold them in. Instead, he let the tears fall freely, and gives jaemin the tightest hug he’d ever given anyone. when they pull apart, he notices jaemin staring at his lips for a few seconds before moving his glance back up to his eyes, and honestly, donghyuck had been waiting far too long for this moment to arrive.

he doesn’t wait for jaemin to ask the question he’d been dying to hear. instead, he pulls jaemin into a kiss, with the both of their lips moving fervently against each other, as if they were both trying to make up for the two weeks of time they had lost. when their kisses become more lazy in nature and they both finally break apart to gasp for air, donghyuck pulls jaemin onto his lap and stroked his hair, then asks if this meant that they were moving from the status of friends with benefits to official boyfriend status now.

jaemin shoots donghyuck a look that roughly translates to “are you dumb?”, then hugs him again.

_“you dumb bitch, of course we’re officially boyfriends now! what the fuck? the both of us didn’t suffer through so much pain for us not to be boyfriends. i guess you can take this as me asking you to be my boyfriend, but i have to warn you, you’re stuck with me for life now. so if you want to escape, run now.”_

_“i wouldn’t ever run away from you, nana. i could’ve ran away from you that first night we met because you really intimidated me back then, but instead i stuck around and let you fuck me silly while i pined after you for so many months, so why would i run now after i’ve finally got you in my arms for real? if anything, you’re the one stuck with my boring ass.”_

their entire group of friends chooses that exact moment to burst into the dorm, making themselves comfortable in various spots in the living room, because of course, they were all eavesdropping on their conversation the entire time. as everyone is settling down, with jaemin and donghyuck on one couch, mark, jeno and renjun on the other couch, and chenle and jisung on the floor, mark explains that they were all on the way over for another hang out, but as he was about to open the door, he heard jaemin's and donghyuck's voices, so they decided to just stand outside and eavesdrop on them so they could find the perfect moment to make their presence known and celebrate the reunion of their friend group.

in that very moment, donghyuck thinks that everything is finally perfect. jaemin loves him back, mark and jeno are happy together (it seems like renjun is spending more time with them as well, but donghyuck isn’t one to pry), and chenle and jisung are still babies to the rest of them but at least they have each other. 

all of them are happy right now, and donghyuck doesn’t know this yet, but they would all stay happy together for a very long time, well into the future.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was longer than i expected it to be, honestly the longest i've ever written because my other fics are only 1k+ words, but i'm kinda proud of the outcome i guess, and i hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> if you ever want to talk to me about anything at all,  
> twt | cc
> 
> all kudos and comments are appreciated as well, thank you for reading!


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